Since my last entry was about makeup, this entry will be about steak.
Well, sort of. I don’t actually eat steak. But I went to a steakhouse. A really weird one, in Tampa of all places. It was to celebrate my friend Adam taking the Florida Bar, WHICH HE RECENTLY FOUND OUT THAT HE PASSED! YAY LAWYER ADAM!
Anyway, so we went to Bern’s Steakhouse, which is somehow important enough to have its own Wikipedia entry. I was a little confused by the decor, which is something like a Disneyland haunted house. Heavy velvet and ornate gold frames. I can chalk all kinds of weirdness up to Florida just being well, Florida, but this was still a bit over-the-top.
The place is made up of a bunch of “themed” rooms — I’m not sure what the theme of our room was, but there was a huge mural on the wall of France. Speaking of France, the wine list at Bern’s is like a phone book. It’s MASSIVE. There are wines on the list going back to the 1800s, and when we later toured the wine cellar, we learned that Bern’s apparently has the largest private wine collection in the world. Again, very strange for a place in Tampa, Florida.
The food was okay (I had lobster, which somehow cost $68) but by no means amazing. It was just… fine. I mean, I was at a steakhouse, not eating steak, so for all I know, the steaks are incredible. The menu (also a tome) went on for pages about the magical powers of steak. (If you don’t believe me, there’s a PDF of the menu on their website.)
Dessert was also an event in itself. After a tour of the restaurant, we went upstairs to the “Dessert Room” where we were tucked into a little alcove with its own music selection. I ordered Bananas Foster, just because it seemed like the most appropriate dessert for our ridiculously excessive and meal. (Someone setting fire to bananas at my table? Obvious choice.)
Would I eat here again? No. But should you try it if you’re in Tampa? Yes. It’s worth it just for the bizarre experience. (And it will probably be extra fun if you like steak.)